Holding On To A Grudge Can Be Healthy

January 16, 2019

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: We're taught at an early age that holding a grudge is bad. Learning how to forgive and forget has long been thought of as taking the moral high ground as well as a way to alleviate the stress of that anger.  But sometime holding on to a grudge is healthy, according to one expert. How you can make a grudge work for you can be explained in four steps. Grudges can empower you. A grudge isn't just a feeling like anger or frustration, it's the story you tell yourself about a given situation. If you are treated poorly by a family member or coworker, the grudge is the story you put together about what happened to you. So in this way, a grudge takes a negative emotion and turns it into a narrative that you control, which is empowering. Writing your grudge out and putting that document somewhere you can come back to it can help too, which leads to the number two reason holding on to a grudge is good, they can help you reflect. In the process of telling our grudge story, you can better understand your part in it and what you might have done wrong. Or understand why what someone else did to you was wrong. If you feel badly following a fight with a friend, it's worth examining why. Analyze your role in the situation after it has passed. Then come back to it days or weeks later. Your feelings might change once you look at it in hindsight, and then the grudge can pass naturally. Grudges can help you understand negative feelings. Negative feelings can signal that you feel hurt because someone was trying to hurt you. They don't necessarily mean there's something wrong with your reaction. Figuring that out is part of your grudge story. Grudges can help you set limits on what kind of behavior you will accept from other people. If you let everything that upsets you go, it can lead to people taking advantage of you. Holding a grudge is a way to draw a line in the sand and remind yourself that when someone steps over that line, it's unacceptable to you.

SOURCE: Mother Nature Network

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